


w'manbuwg

by klesek



Series: dream smp stuff [2]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Crack, any gc or server names are based off of actual gc names i've been in, i'll add more characters as they actually show up, probably just crack lmao, this is all probably gonna be based off of real conversations so
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-20
Updated: 2021-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-29 01:54:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30148959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klesek/pseuds/klesek
Summary: yet another dream smp chatfic... i just wanted to write it and then a perfect conversation happened in a server i'm in so. so heres this ig
Series: dream smp stuff [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2104215
Comments: 10
Kudos: 33





	1. [boo: Who do i have to be stabbed to be hooked up to an iv and hydrated that way]

**Author's Note:**

> yeah all of this is based off of real convos with a few changes and things taken out so yeah :] idk how often this will update
> 
> names so far:
> 
> Tommy- WIFE HAVER  
> Tubbo- bee  
> Ranboo- boo  
> Wilbur- fish want me, women fear me  
> Phil- Dadza  
> Techno- Orphan Obliterator  
> Quackity- Big Q

**[w'manbuwg]**

_12:25 AM_

**Dadza:** :eye_in_a_speech_bubble:

why is this an emote i hate it

“eye in speech bubble”

**WIFE HAVER:** that is such a specific emote why does that exist

**Orphan Obliterator:** eye… in speech bubble..

**WIFE HAVER:** my abhorred

**Dadza:** this appears to be the only “object in speech bubble” emote

**boo:** Who do I have to be stabbed to be hooked up to an iv and hydrated that way

**Dadza:** ranboo drink water

**boo:** i am drinking waterrrr

i am running out of waterrrr

**Orphan Obliterator:** hydrate or diedrate

**_> WIFE HAVER_ ** _replied to_ **_boo:_ ** _Who do I have to be stabbed to be hooked up to an iv and…_ **_:_ **

what the fuck

**boo:** every time i sit up to drink water my head screams at me

**Dadza:** I should go get water come to think of it

**boo:** and i’d go get tap water but i don’t want to die to mysterious diseases several years down the line

**_> boo_ ** _replied to_ **_WIFE HAVER:_ ** _what the fuck_ **_:_ **

You heard me

**_> bee_ ** _replied to_ **_boo:_ ** _Who do I have to be stabbed to be hooked up to an iv and…_ **_:_ **

this is just not english are you okay

**boo:** i meant what i said and i said what i meant

**bee:** “who do i have to be stabbed"

**Orphan Obliterator:** _concern_

**bee:** youre not coming to the hotel tomorrow right

you cant drink water

you better not be coming

**boo:** tomorrow’s friday

**bee:** oh my god it is

WAIT I THOUGHT TODAY WAS FRIDAY

WHAT THE FUCK

**WIFE HAVER:** nope

**boo:** Lmao

**bee:** I HAVE SCHOOL TOMORROW

**Dadza:** yep

**boo:** it’s okay i thought today was Tuesday

**WIFE HAVER:** well technically today is friday

**Orphan Obliterator:** WAIT TODAY IS THURSDAY??

**WIFE HAVER:** YEAH???

**Dadza:** I lost all sense of time when i napped for four hours

**boo:** wait I had an awakening that I’m literally gonna graduate highschool in two years today :pensive:

**bee:** oh lovely

**boo:** and now I discover a. that happened today

b. ITS THURSDAY

thats it, i don’t have a c

**Dadza:** to be fair I think it’s friday for some of you now

**Orphan Obliterator:** yeah it is

**boo:** it is

**Dadza:** but let’s be honest a day doesn’t end until you go to bed

**Orphan Obliterator:** yeah

**boo:** Exactly

**bee:** actually i think it’s just saturday tomorrow

no more friday

it doesn’t exist anymore

**Orphan Obliterator:** Friday? Hardly know her

**boo:** i am literally going to take a hammer and chisel to my skull so i can remove my brain pain

**bee:** i am taking it away

**WIFE HAVER:** today is friday

**bee:** well that’s violent!

**Dadza:** don’t drill a hole into your head ranboo

**WIFE HAVER:** so yeah tomorrow is saturday

**_Orphan Obliterator_ ** _replied to_ **_boo:_ ** _i am literally going to take a hammer and chisel to my sk…_ **_:_ **

ranboo take some ibuprofen-

**WIFE HAVER:** ranboo maybe don’t die actually?

**bee:** no it’s saturday now tommy

**WIFE HAVER:** no

actually

**Dadza:** trepanation doesn’t work for headaches!

**Orphan Obliterator:** I’m gonna be getting some coffee, in fact

**WIFE HAVER:** yeah no

**bee:** now is saturday

**WIFE HAVER:** no

**Dadza:** I wihs

**bee:** i breathe saturday

**WIFE HAVER:** wihs

**boo:** i’m gonna surgically remove my neck

**WIFE HAVER:** no-

**Dadza:** ranboo you need that

**bee:** you’re gonna hUH

**WIFE HAVER:** don’t actually-

**boo:** keep my head and the rest of my head just more neck

neck pain begone

**Orphan Obliterator:** r a n b o o b l s

**WIFE HAVER:** ranboo go to sleep jesus fucking christ

**bee:** that’s a horrible image

**WIFE HAVER:** get some water and sleep

**bee:** no neck ranboo

**Dadza:** do you have a heat source?

**Orphan Obliterator:** yeah try a heating pad

or something to rest your neck on

**Dadza:** like a sock of rice to put in the microwave i don’t know what its- yeah a heating pad

**Orphan Obliterator:** or perhaps a warm shower

**boo:** oh that won’t help

**Dadza:** I just have a sock full of rice that i put in the microwave

**Orphan Obliterator:** i thought you hated socks

**Dadza:** it will if it’s neck pain

i like socks

**boo:** i need a lacrosse ball under my shoulder blades

**Orphan Obliterator:** wait whats a lacrosse ball

**Dadza:** heat is a good substitute tho

at least temporarily

**bee:** techno what

**boo:** i get that sexy neck pain that’s caused by your whole back being in knots

**bee:** what do you mean whats a lacrosse ball

**Dadza:** oh yeah that’s a thing you put a ball against a wall and roll it on your back pain and it hurts a lot but then feels a lot better

**_> Orphan Obliterator _ ** _replied to_ **_bee:_** _techno_ _what_ **_:_ **

LOOK I DON’T SPORT

**WIFE HAVER:** this is a fucking trainwreck of a conversation oh my god

**bee:** YOU KNOW WHAT LACROSSE IS RIGHT???

**HaikuBot [BOT]:**

_i get that sexy_

_neck pain that’s caused by your whole_

_back being in knots_

**Orphan Obliterator:** I DO BUT I NEVER PLAYED IT

PLS

**Dadza:** musicians have a lot of back issues too

**bee:** ITS JUST THE BALL YOU USE FOR THAT AKGSJSGJS

**boo:** this is just like, 60% unfiltered ranboo

**WIFE HAVER:** this is fucking amazing

i’m cryign

**Orphan Obliterator:** Liste, Toby, I’m on that one week in the month where i’m f o r g e t f u l

**WIFE HAVER:** TOBY-

**boo:** i’m glad to bring you joy with my suffering, all my jingle jingling as led up to this

**bee:** JAHSJAHQJWHJWGDJDWNWHDJHSJQHWJDGJGANW

**Orphan Obliterator:** ok, i admit, the implication that i’m only forgetful one week in the month is weird but--

**bee:** I REFUSE TO ACTUALLY BE CALLED TOBY

**Orphan Obliterator:** *chants* toby toby toby toby toby toby

*bangs table*

**WIFE HAVER:** TOBY TOBY TOBY TOBY TOBY TOBY

**bee:** oh my god _(edited: oh my fod)_

**Orphan Obliterator:** HAHFDSBA

**boo:** Phil how’s steve

**WIFE HAVER:** fod

**Orphan Obliterator:** fod,,,

**bee:** shut

**_> WIFE HAVER_ ** _replied to_ **_boo:_ ** _Phil how’s steve_ **_:_ **

THE CHANGE OF CONVERSATION-

**Orphan Obliterator:** _spelling mistakes never evade us_

**Dadza:** he’s good

he’s sleeping next to me

**Orphan Obliterator:** speaking of spelling mistakes, i was about to make one there

**_> bee _ ** _replied to_ **_WIFE HAVER:_ ** _THE CHANGE OF CONVERSATION-_ **_:_ **

q does not want to hear about “toby”

**Orphan Obliterator:** who’s q

**boo:** i love your sweet baby boy

**bee:** ranboo, i meant to just do r

i’m lazy

**_> WIFE HAVER_ ** _replied to_ **_bee:_ ** _q does not want to hear about “toby”_ **_:_ **

you said ‘q’ and my brain said alex quackity :pensive:

**Dadza:** i love him too he’s my dumbass

**_> bee _ ** _replied to_ **_WIFE HAVER:_ ** _you said ‘q’ and my brain said alex quackity :pensive:_

no

**Orphan Obliterator:** he’s such a sweetheart

**WIFE HAVER:** ranboo as quackity,,, what a cursed thought

**Dadza:** no he’s a dumbass but i adore him

**bee:** q= i mean r= ranboo  
big q= quackity

**Orphan Obliterator:** BIG Q

**Big Q:** hi

**bee:** don’t mix them up

**Orphan Obliterator:** hey big q

**Dadza:** hi big q!

**WIFE HAVER:** oh hello alex quackity

**boo:** screams and ruins speedrun like a precious gremlin baby

**Dadza:** yeAH

**_> Big Q _ ** _replied to_ **_WIFE HAVER:_ ** _oh hello alex quackity_ **_:_ **

FULL NAME WHY IS THAT INTIMIDATING

**Dadza:** for the people who weren’t there, steve literally stepped on my keyboard during a speedrun

**Orphan Obliterator:** I REMEMBER THAT HAHA

**_> WIFE HAVER _ ** _replied to_ **_Big Q:_ ** _FULL NAME WHY IS THAT INTIMIDATING_ **_:_ **

be glad i didn’t do “Oh, hello, Alex Quackity.”

**Orphan Obliterator:** what a man, steve

**boo:** wow we’re really reaching big gay great fairy places tonight

**Dadza:** my polar bear is a Gamer

**Orphan Obliterator:** Steve really went “it’s time, gamers”

**bee:** steve would be a great twitch streamer

where is the steve youtube channel

**Orphan Obliterator:** oh _gods_ pls

**bee:** i would subscirbe

**WIFE HAVER:** TWITCH PRIME

**Big Q:** steve would make bear puns mid-game

**boo:** get phil to enough followers so we can have steve emotes

**bee:** steve can have my twitch prime

**WIFE HAVER:** DO IT DO IT DO IT

**Orphan Obliterator:** i’m already followed hell hyah

**Dadza:** hell heyh

**Orphan Obliterator:** hell y a h

**WIFE HAVER:** hell

just hell

**Orphan Obliterator:** that’s just my house

**bee:** i am followed now

**boo:** thinkin about,,, he,

**bee:** he,,

**Orphan Obliterator:** who

who is he

**boo:** He

[insert picture of michael here]

**bee:** HE

**WIFE HAVER:** A HE

  
 **fish want me, women fear me:** oh my god just go to sleep


	2. [alpha male: toes]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> well then, what do we have here? a new chat? for the minors?
> 
> :)c  
> [the tenth circle of hell]  
> Tommy- BIG MAN  
> Tubbo- The Birth Mother Of All Good Jokes  
> Ranboo- fear  
> Drista- alpha male  
> Purpled- the man behind the slaughter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> purpled is probably ooc but i don't watch him enough to know his character that well :(

**Technoblade >>>>> WilburSoot**

**Technoblade:** hey have you finished the thing yet

**WilburSoot:** i would have by now but i am Lazy and get distracted surprisingly easily

**Technoblade:** big large huge mood

the biggest mood, the most ginormous mood

a gargantuan mood

i’m thinking of all of these off the top of my head

i did not know i knew this many synonyms for big

**WilburSoot:** you are an english major

**Technoblade:** a humongous mood

a mood that towers over all other moods

this mood is bigger than the star UY Scuti

thats the biggest star

**WilburSoot:** did you just look that up specifically for this

**Technoblade:** yes

**WilburSoot:** you are like none other

**Technoblade:** thank you

**WilburSoot:** you’re very welcome

**Technoblade:** can i just say that UY Scuti is the stupidest name for a star that i’ve ever seen

it looks made up

**WilburSoot:** i bet there are stupider names

**Technoblade:** true

its also like really really big

how the fuck is an object this big

**WilburSoot:** how big is it

**Technoblade:** radius: 738.35 million miles

[picture of a size comparison of UY Scuti and the sun. look it up if you want, it’s ginormous]

**WilburSoot:** w

woah

how big is… a human compared to that…

**Technoblade:** fucking TINY

like tommy

**WilburSoot:** pfft

**Technoblade:** little itty bitty child

**WilburSoot:** tinee

tie-neeee

**Technoblade:** smol

**WilburSoot:** smol

**Technoblade:** a **child**

**WilburSoot:** **_childe_**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**[the tenth circle of hell]**

**BIG MAN:** tubbo you spilled my trash can

**The Birth Mother Of All Good Jokes:** I am aware

**BIG MAN:** i would appreciate it if you cleaned it up

**The Birth Mother Of All Good Jokes:** I am aware

**BIG MAN:** knew you would say that

**The Birth Mother Of All Good Jokes:** :D

**BIG MAN:** me: you’re predictable

you: :D

**The Birth Mother Of All Good Jokes:** :D

**BIG MAN:** ok

come help me clean up your mess

**The Birth Mother Of All Good Jokes:** okay tommy :thumbsup:

**fear:** tubbo go clean up the mess you made

**BIG MAN:** i can’t reach the top shelf to put henry back

**The Birth Mother Of All Good Jokes:** he wasn’t on the top shelf

**BIG MAN:** oh

well i want him on the top shelf

**fear:** haha short

**BIG MAN:** shut the fuck up ranboo

**fear:** no

**_fear_ ** _has been removed from_ **_the tenth circle of hell_ ** _._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**[the tenth circle of hell]**

**_BIG MAN_ ** _added_ **_Drista_ ** _to_ **_the tenth circle of hell_ ** _!_

**BIG MAN:** EVERYONE MEET DRISTA

oh right i kicked ranboo out

**_BIG MAN_ ** _added_ **_Ranboo_ ** _to_ **_the tenth circle of hell_ ** _!_

**_Drista_ ** _changed their name to_ **_alpha male_ **

**alpha male:** can i change the name to toe removal limited time offer

**_Ranboo_ ** _changed their name to_ **_fear_ **

**fear:** no

**alpha male:** why not

**BIG MAN:** go aheade

**_alpha male_ ** _changed the channel name:_ **_TOE REMOVAL BUSINESS LIMITED TIME OFFER CONTANCT DRISTA FOR MORE INFO_ **

**_the man behind the slaughter_ ** _changed the channel name:_ **_To retrieval business limited time offer! It doesn’t have to be your toe, just a toe!_ **

**fear:** so he does speak

**_alpha male_ ** _changed the channel name:_ **_TOE REMOVAL BUSINESS LIMITED TIME OFFER CONTANCT DRISTA FOR MORE INFO_ **

**alpha male:** you spelled it wrong

**BIG MAN:** to

**_the man behind the slaughter_ ** _changed the channel name:_ **_Toe retriveal bussness limted tim offr! They donot hav to be you’re toes, so lng as their toes!_ **

**BIG MAN:** Bussness

**fear:** Tim

**BIG MAN:** donot

:bagel:

**_alpha male_ ** _changed the channel name:_ **_TOE REMOVAL BUSINESS LIMITED TIME OFFER CONTANCT DRISTA FOR MORE INFO_ **

**fear:** contanct

**_BIG MAN_ ** _changed the channel name:_ **_Dealing robloc Dream photos in the back ally contact Tommy for more info-_ **

**alpha male:** mhm

**_alpha male_ ** _changed the channel name:_ **_TOE REMOVAL BUSINESS LIMITED TIME OFFER CONTANCT DRISTA FOR MORE INFO_ **

**_the man behind the slaughter_ ** _changed the channel name:_ **_TO REVOVAL BUSNESS LIMITD TIM OFFR CONTANNCY DRIHSTA FR MOE INF_ **

**BIG MAN:** DRIHSTA

**alpha male:** that’s the best one so far

**_The Birth Mother Of All Good Jokes_ ** _changed the channel name:_ **_beaugtydil artwy by7gy tubpr fo r onluk 69 crenyts!!! kiljkit timrw foyer_ **

**The Birth Mother Of All Good Jokes:** pog

**alpha male:** what the fuck

**BIG MAN:** Nice

**_alpha male_ ** _changed the channel name:_ **_TO REVOVAL BUSNESS LIMITD TIM OFFR CONTANNCY DRIHSTA FR MOE INF_ **

**fear:** Nice

**The Birth Mother Of All Good Jokes:** “beautiful art by tubbo for only 69 cents! limited time offer”

**alpha male:** no

**The Birth Mother Of All Good Jokes:** :(

**alpha male:** toes

**_alpha male_ ** _changed the changed the channel name:_ **_TO REVOVAL BUSNESS LIMITD TIM OFFR CONTANNCY DRIHSTA FR MOE INF_ **

**The Birth Mother Of All Good Jokes:** example of beautiful art

[a small doodle of a bee with the words “hand over your money :)” next to it, and an “EAT” in the bottom right corner in different handwriting.]

i’ve been doing an aggie.io

ignore the EAT in the corner

**alpha male:** EAT

i will not ignore tht thank you

**BIG MAN:** E A T

**_the man behind the slaughter_ ** _changed the channel name:_ **_TO REVOVAL BUSNESS LIMITD TIM OFFR CONTANNCY DRHIHSTAH FR MOE INF_ **

**alpha male:** purpled it gets better every time

**BIG MAN:** drihihstah

**alpha male:** drihihstah

**_the man behind the slaughter_ ** _changed the channel name:_ **_TO REVOVAL BUSESN LIMITD TIM OFFR CONTANNCY DRHIHSTAH FR MOE INF_ **

**alpha male:** i think purpled is dying

**_the man behind the slaughter_ ** _changed the channel name:_ **_TO REVOVAL BUSNESS LIMITD TIM OFFRE CONTANNCY DRHIHSTAH FR MOE INF_ **

**alpha male:** i wonder if theres a secret code

what letters were removed each time

**BIG MAN:** Purpled are thy olright

**alpha male:** what do the removed letters spell :squint:

**_fear_ ** _changed the channel name:_ **_@/[] ?!( >,% /&÷ ,!?÷ !;[</ /[÷@_ **

**BIG MAN:** ranbooooo

**_BIG MAN_ ** _changed the channel name:_ **_TO REVOVAL BUSNESS LIMITD TIM OFFRE CONTANNCY DRHIHSTAH FR MOE INF_ **

**BIG MAN:** no

**_the man behind the slaughter_ ** _changed the channel name:_ **_TO REVOVAL BUSNESS LIMEONTED TIM OFFRE CONTANNCY DRHIHSTAH FR MOE INF_ **

**BIG MAN:** TOE RE(m)OVAL BU(I)S(n)ESN LIMIT(e)D TIM OFF(e)RE CONTA(ct)NNCY DRHIHSTAH F(o)R MO(r)E I(n)F(o)NO

**_fear_ ** _changed the channel name:_ **_ > ?÷!, >/n @&</ <] !;[</ /[÷@_ **

**_alpha male_ ** _changed the channel name:_ **_TO REVOVAL BUSNESS LIMEONTED TIM OFFRE CONTANNCY DRHIHSTAH FR MOE INF_ **

**_The Birth Mother Of All Good Jokes_ ** _changed the channel name:_ **_hh_ **

**_alpha male_ ** _changed the channel name:_ **_TO REVOVAL BUSNESS LIMEONTED TIM OFFRE CONTANNCY DRHIHSTAH FR MOE INF_ **

**the man behind the slaughter:** i’ve got a headache

**The Birth Mother Of All Good Jokes:** aw :(

**BIG MAN:** oof

**fear:** can we not have the title about toes

**_BIG MAN_ ** _changed the channel name:_ **_drista i want my robloc dream photos dm me_ **

**alpha male:** i gotchu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed :]

**Author's Note:**

> hopefully that worked uh  
> thanks for reading and i hoped you liked it
> 
> *replaces someones cat with a fucking polar bear* i'm good at this-


End file.
